Does Anyone Remember ...

Mr. X? He was a brilliantly created pseudonym by one Homer Simpson. During the 12th season of "The Simpsons" episode 6, "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes", Homer pays an abhorrent 5,000$ for his first computer, so that he can receive email. The episode carries on from there, in the tumultuous fashion that the Simpsons use to use to tell an irrelevant story to an attention deprived audience. Homer eventually takes on the Mr. X persona, that inevitably leads to his Pulitzer Prize and eventual downfall. (All within the span of 22 minutes).

Simpsons Eposode - The Computer Wore Menace Shoes

The part of this show that I never really quite understood, but simply passed off as an allusion to "The Avengers", was its bizarre conclusion. Homer gets drugged and dragged off to a mysterious island; Where him and a cast of characters who 'know too much', are doomed to spend the rest of their lives. The truth of this allusion however was only brought to light for the first time this weekend.

On Friday, I was reading the weekend entertainment insert to the Calgary Herald called "The Verve". There was mention of a cult classic BBC show called "The Prisoner", in which they briefly compared it to "The Avengers". The Verve article had piqued my interest with its comparison to shows like Dr.Who, so I figured it would be worth checking out. Of course it came as quite a surprise when it came to my attention that the show had already been parodied by the Simpsons. It was even more comical once you realize that Homer steals the protagonist's, number6's, long methodically planned method of escape. The show was British and it had aired in the late 60's. Like most everything from that era, it carried a solid camp quality. I guess that is mainly why it achieved its comparison to Dr.Who and The Avengers.

So if anything can be taken away from this, I guess it is the amazing lengths that The Simpsons used to go to, in order to parody nearly everything. After watching one episode of "The Prisoner", I have to say it is not a show for everyone. Not that it is a bad show, just a little strange. It achieves an eerie, strange world feeling, something that shows like Lost try to mimic. The kind of story that plays on the paranoia that people tend to have; Of the world being controlled by forces greater and unknown (in this case a secret agency).

I have attached a short clip below that doesn't really tell you much of the story, or even give you a proper feel for what the show is about. It is however the opening scene and just fun to watch for the feeling of the era.

Happy Father's/Summer Solstice Day!

Well after my first week of work, I can say one thing for certain; Weekends are much more enjoyable when you work all week. Life is slowly becoming more normal again, although I feel about ten years older and time still keeps moving forward. The house is slowly coming together and is becoming quite comfortable. My office is a complete disaster at the moment however, and I hope to get it a little better organized as my next task.

A couple of weeks back I gave blood for the first time. The wife and I have decided it would be our part to at the very least return the contribution of donated blood that Eoin used in his treatments. I think we calculated that it will take us close to five years of donations. You can only give blood every other month, and sadly I am not even sure if my last donation was even usable. Kind of embarrassing, but about a minute after they put the needle in me, I felt like I was going to be sick. It was the weirdest feeling, I can only relate it to the feeling of having blood squeezed out of me. On the bright side, apparently I am quite the bleeder, as in that short period they had almost a half of a bag, which may or may not be enough to use. I just need to get back into shape, and hopefully that will make donating a little easier.

Now that I have my computer up and running again, I am going to try and get a few more posts in. I think I will make a goal of at least one post per week. Maybe I will try and come up with some interesting topics. Well at least things more interesting than what is happening in my life. Currently I have been watching a BBC show called "Time" by Michio Kaku. It is quite interesting and I will see if I can give it a proper revue when I am done (I still have two episodes to watch).

Well that is all for the moment, I will leave you with this commercial that made me laugh.

Let It Snow.

One of the benefits of living in Calgary is getting to see all four seasons in one day. Today was just one of those days. As Eli stayed with his grandma last night, we woke up this morning to sunlight streaming through the window. Thinking that perhaps the weather had changed from miserable yesterday, my wife was quite anxious to investigate. However as she pulled back the blinds, she emitted a loud gasp, as about three inches of snow had accumulated overnight. The trees looked quite deformed under the weight of the sopping snow and we were both left dumbstruck at the sight of snow in June.


Not wanting to pass up the free time that was allotted to us today, we decided to catch a movie before picking up Eli. So we headed across town and watched the weather slowly get warmer and warmer. We arrived at the movie theater and opted to see "Drag Me To Hell". It was a nice quiet noon show, with only about a dozen people in the theater. As the show was about to start, a mother and daughter walked in and sat down a few rows in front of us. It was quite the sight, as the daughter looked like a miniature version of her overweight, glasses wearing, slovenly dressed mother. However, this girl could of only been ten at the oldest. Let me just say, I remember being about nine or ten and watching "Goonies" in the theater; It terrified the living shit out of me. After the first five minutes into the show, a Mexican kid is shown being attacked and then dragged down to hell by a demon. Needless to say, we hear a kid crying and telling their parents she wants to go home. However this is coming from behind us, not in front. Anyway, to carry on with the story, the movie ends with a pretty disturbing death scene. The lights come up, this girl and her mother calmly stand up and walk out of the theater. Not even a fucking peep, out of the kid. All I can think is "Wow, what a weird kid!".

So we head over to Chapters, buy a couple books, grab a quick bite to eat, head over to grandmas, pick up Eli and then continue our drive home. On the way we experience crazy hail, then rain. Get home and find almost all the snow is gone, except for a small spattering in the yard. And that was pretty much my whole Saturday.

Oh yeah, before I forget, I was also offered a job. As I said before, I would jump at the chance now, and so I will. I start on the 15th, wish me luck.

Baghead

Last night the wife and I sat down to watch this movie after a long day of unpacking. It was an interesting movie, with a lot of subtle little qualities that made it very enjoyable to watch.

A low budget independent film, Baghead was created by the Duplas brothers. It started off making me think that I would most likely regret ever picking it up. It is by far one of the strangest beginnings, as it really seemed to have no bearing on a thriller type movie. As well the characters initially come off as awkward and difficult to grasp. However, quickly the characters start to actually develop and the actors start to seem more comfortable in their roles.

Without delving too far into the movie, I have to give credit to the creators. They really pull off some good scenes that feel genuinely scary. One of the bigest credits of this film is how it eventually feels "real". The creators seemed to put a lot of effort into making a movie that I feel that most of the audience can probably empathize with. Although, the target audience is most likely the type that would enjoy independant film. (An early scene in the show, of the group of friend's driving to the cabin, seems to be an allusion to Sam Raimi's Evil Dead)

Perhaps I am giving the movie too much credit. It could be that I just like to see the independant win out over the multi million dollar crap that holywood tends to churn out. Anyway, I just thought I would recommend this show to anyone looking for something to watch this week. It might not be your cup of tea, but I don't think it will disapoint. Well at least not too much.

And Life Goes On.

Tonight is the second night I have spent in our new home. It is much more spacious than anything I have lived in for years. Currently I am sitting down at the kitchen table, surrounded by things that need a place and enjoying a beer. I am completely for a loss on how things will progress from here, I can only imagine life will get worse before it gets better. I am still unemployed and our small EI claim for my wife's maternity leave doesn't even really cover the rent. Worse still I know that the loss of Eoin will only get more painful as things settle down.

The weekend was filled with relatives coming out to visit. Nothing brings family together like the reminder of our own mortality. For our part we avoided everyone and spent the time unpacking belongings. This house that isn't yet a home, has already become the most comfortable thing I can remember in over a year. I don't even know if the utilities are in our name yet, and the internet I am currently using is actually being borrowed from a neighbour. (I can only hope they left their access open under a utilitarian principle, one for which I am grateful.) So slowly over the coming weeks, we will continue to make this place our home, one small task at a time.

Tomorrow will be another task altogether however. At some time this weekend Eoin's remains were cremated. So at 10AM, we will be retrieving the urn that now contains the ashes of my sons bones. In a small way it will be a bit of closure to a long painful tale. I still don't know how I will react to receiving them. Hopefully it will be less painful then identifying the remains had been, even though that was a bit of closure in itself. I like to think that because most of this last year has been so paiful and difficult, that things will only start to get better. I hope it isn't too naive of me to believe that.

I wish I could share some of my future plans at the moment. Because every plan so far has gone up in smoke, I am currently left in a wait and see situation. The economy has tanked and with it so have most of the job opportunities. About a week ago I had a job interview for a technician position, however I am currently beginning to think that even that opportunity might be closed to me now. Sadly it was for the job repairing military equipment that I had mentioned once or twice before. It wasn't even a position that interested me all that much, but now I would probably jump at the chance.

Well, I might as well end this post here, I am sure it is probably depressing even for me. Hope everyone else is doing alright these days.

The Hunt.

June is fast approaching and I have spent the last month and a bit looking for work. Last Friday was the first time I have heard back from anyone and it just so happens I had two calls in one day. I had a meet and greet today that could possibly lead to a job with the city. Overall I don't think it went as well as it could have. I am always lacking for questions and my interpersonal skills are pretty low with people I hardly know. I don't think I give a bad vibe or anything but there were definitely a few moments of awkward silence. It probably doesn't help that I messed up the first scheduled meet and greet by going to the wrong location and then having to call the guy to let him know I was half way across town. I don't think I exactly inspired confidence in that situation.

Fortunately I also have an interview with another company on the 22nd. It is for repairing military optics; something I have a fair bit of confidence with. It isn't exactly the job I would choose first, but I am sure it will pay decent. Either way, the lack of response I have had has been very surprising. I know that we are supposedly in an economic downturn, but I figured I would have already had at least one interview. The employment hunt has always been something of dread for me and at this point in my life I should be in a much more stable position.

So you say you need to waste some time.

Well that Hungarian game designer known as Gameinabottle has released the prequel to Gemcraft. For a cheesy tower game, it is hours of fun. The new game is similar to the first, but leveling up is a little different and there are a few new treats, like traps that you activate with gems. As well the game seems a little more difficult than part one, and I have found myself stuck on a few levels. Then again I have been trying to play the game with my laptop touch pad.

Anyway, hope you guys can get the same enjoyment out of it that I do. Thanks for the game Gameinabottle.

Cinco de Mayo

Cited as the day of the French Military's unlikely defeat at the hands of the Mexican Military in 1862, at the Battle of Puebla. With 4500 Mexican soldiers defending against 6000 French troops, the battle ended with the loss of 450 French and about 80 Mexicans. Not exactly Dros Delnoch, besides which, when has a French defeat ever been unlikely.

Sorry Mexico, not a great reason to party. Regardless, tequila sucks and Mexican beer for the most part, is only slightly better than Mexican water. If you could just get rid of the swine flu, dirty streets, corrupt policia, junk peddlers and sleazy hotel managers... well you would be left with margaritas, burritos (sans guacamole) and drunk 18-20 year old Americans.

I know I am being too harsh. It is just that the few times I had been to Mexico, I was very underwhelmed. I am sure if you could get away from the tourist traps. Away from where every greedy merchant and other gang affiliated hoodlum is trying to take advantage of you. Well, it would most likely be a nice place to visit. Even still, the next time I plan to catch some southern sun, I think I will plan on taking a trip to Cuba. At least then you can generally avoid the American tourists.

Some things I will never get over.

Children are amazing, and I can understand why some people devote their lives to them. Myself, I know I lack many of the qualities required for dealing with them. Patience, gentleness and energy being the main three. Personally, I never really planned on fatherhood and I had actually planned against it occurring twice. Through no fault of their own, they were both born, beating the odds of other genetic combinations. In their own rights they are both amazing. And as well, they are both absolutely consuming of energy, sleep and time.

Now enter the world of pediatric oncology. Kids having cancer is absolutely the worst thing I can think of. Maybe that is only due to my lack of having an original mind, but more likely it is because of where I have spent the last year. Watching children spend their very few short years inside a hospital, living a very marginal type of life. For a lot of them, it is a life filled mostly with pain and suffering. It is days passed with blood transfusions, radiation, surgery and chemotherapy. It is puking, peeling, diarrhea, nose tubes, central lines, dressing changes, infections and medications. It is parents being sad, parents being mad. Frustration, humiliation and hours watching Treehouse. All for some hope that maybe someday things will get better.

The better part of childhood is the learning. It is only natural, that when you look at a child and see them learning new things. See how everything new is so exciting, you can't help but smile. It emits a strange empathic feeling. Memories of all the new and exciting things you yourself once learned. It is these feelings I have when I look upon my own children, and it is the same feelings I have when I watch the other children in oncology, energetically playing in the halls.

So it is with great sadness that I learned today of yet another child who has passed away. He is the second in as many weeks, of two families that we have weathered through this last year. He was only slightly older than my own son. Only two years old, but he spent over half his life battling cancer. If ever I had beliefs in a karmatic existance, I would have to say, it is things like this that utterly shatter it. Unfortunately life lacks balance, it is only for us to rationalize a balance to keep us away from madness.

Did I impress the parole board?

I am just completely baffled. 5 months of spending +66% of my time in a hospital room, and today we are discharged. I have to say it is a great feeling. If I had ever spent time in jail (as a prisoner), I am sure being released would feel something like this.

I have really given up on a lot of things over the past couple of months. Exercise, writing, reading, all kind of left to their own. It is so strange to have so much seemingly free time, and not be able to accomplish anything. The stress of living out of a hospital and trying to raise a 6, now 7, month old has really been overwhelming. I sometimes think sleep is one of those magical things that the rich get to enjoy. I am sure this feeling I have had lately is something akin to being a zombie, aimlessly searching for brains... or at this point just any brain would do.

Now we are down to spending two days a week in the hospital, and only for very short periods. I guess this means I will have to consider finding a use for myself again. It is an intimidating thought, looking for work again. I had already found a really good job once, but had to give it up when Eoin got sick. Now I am not sure what I will do. Most likely I will just have to settle for the first thing that pays anywhere what I need to live. Which is sad, because that most likely results in working a slave job. However at this point I really don't care anymore.

Of course I have always considered returning to school. Maybe finishing a degree in science. However, that is also very unlikely, I still have two unpaid student loans, as well as two little guys to take care of now. Not to mention, I am probably severely lacking the brain power to complete any difficult courses. Meh, I guess back to work it is. The military is always looking for civilians to fix their broken kit, maybe General Dynamics will give me a job.

I Want to Ride!

Well things here have been up and down over the last month. My time has been split between keeping my sanity and hanging out in the hospital. Eoin has been on quite the roller coaster, and I generally find that my mood coincides with his condition. He hasn't had a fever in a few days and there was an actual AGC yesterday (something we haven't seen in months). His results from the BMAs and LPs have been very confusing, so it has been very difficult in predicting where things are currently heading. As such neither Angela or I have been apt to post much on his Carepages site, these last couple of weeks. Right now it appears the intrathecal chemo is clearing the CSF but his marrow is still hypocellular after 6 weeks. This means we assume the leukemia is still in the marrow but we don't treat. Hopefully he will still be clear next week, and we can proceed with the transplant.

In non hospital news, my good friends James and Anita drove out to Calgary for a visit. It was really great to see them, especially since they had been away for about 2 years. James brought along his new computer, in pieces, and I helped him put it together. Unfortunately I don't think he anticipated how much Microsoft charges for their operating systems. So instead of forking out 300$ for Vista, we downloaded and installed the Windows7 beta OS. I hope it runs smoothly for him and maybe that will be the better OS to purchase in the long run anyway. The computer, though not top of the line, was overall a pretty sweet system. It should do him well for the next 3 years. Other than that, we visited most of the local pubs around town, played some NTN and spent hours catching up.

In the catching up, it became apparent that I have somehow fallen into a very strange world. This last year has gone by so unbelievably fast. When I stop and look back to before Eoin was sick, I get quite concerned about the near future. I guess the truth is, that in the next few months, Eoin's treatment will come to an end. Once that happens, I am not sure where my family will end up. We have spent so much time bouncing around, worrying about the immediate stuff. We sold our house, we are now both unemployed and we are living out of a hospital and an RMH. The real crazy part is that our future completely depends on Eoin's outcome. If he gets back to remission, we will still be closely tied to a hospital for the next 5 years. Constantly anticipating side effects of the treatment or a relapse of the cancer. Otherwise, as callous as it sounds, we are free to pick up the pieces of our lives and try to find a new niche for ourselves.

I love my son and would do anything for him. I would do anything to cure him and I would take his place in an instant. I just hate all the uncertainty that goes with a possible cure. After almost a year of living in a hospital, most days I just want to get back to a somewhat normal life. The scary part is, I really don't know how we are going to integrate ourselves back into society.

The Problem with Definitions.

(Continued from)

Of course having established a definition of art, albeit a weak one, it still must be considered there is the fundamental flaw of subjectivity. Can art be defined by only the majority? A general consensus on what or what is not art? This seems to be the question raised by Duchamp's Fountain, a "found art" piece that was a urinal, laid on its back and signed "R. Mutt 1917". The piece is both ironic and iconic, in the sense that it was originally created in protest to general consensus of what defined art at that time. The irony is formed in that the piece is now iconic in the discussion of art, though it had originally thought to be simply trash. (It is even thought that the piece was lost some time later because someone mistook it for rubbish and threw it out.) However, the piece had made such a statement and created such controversy that it would be wrong not to accept it as art. As well, it also conforms to my earlier definition of art. It had an intended message, a statement that art could take the form of intellectual interpretation and not just physical form. It had an intended audience, the art community of that time. Finally, it had an emotional reaction, notably disgust and anger. So even though the Society of Independent Artists of 1917 had an idea of what construed art, it would seem that position has been redefined over time.

So does this mean that art can be defined by a group of people? Of course it can, but this does not mean that it is the only definition, nor does it mean that definition is applicable in all situations. So, defining art, it would seem, is open to some interpretation and is relativistic to the period and place. Of course this should not be surprising, especially when it is considered, that at its core, art is a form of communication. And, with all forms of communication, the signal to noise ratio has a significant impact on the message. This ratio becomes even more important in art as a lot of the forms, such as poetry, will use noise, such as metaphors, to build the intended message. Add on top of this, noise from outside sources, cultural differences or language translations for example, and the message can be very muddied. Many times the message is lost before it even reaches the intended audience. To me this would be an example of failed art as it is my belief that art, must have a purposeful message.

Sometimes it would seem that art can be meaningless, that it needs no message, it simply exists for the purpose of aesthetic beauty. Take, for example, coffee art, in my opinion it is very beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. It definitely fulfills the criteria of an emotional response and an audience, but does it have a message? In my opinion, I would say yes. To me the artist in this case is saying "look at my my skills to create something that pleasing." It says even more in the sense that it is something that is very temporary, it is intended mainly for a one person audience and it will be enjoyed for only a short period of time. I guess I would even speculate that ability to create something that is aesthetically pleasing is art in its simplest form. That is to say, something on which the artist and his audience can both say, "that looks beautiful", is a consensus on the message "is this beauty?".

Haven't had much to say.

It is already the 9th and I have been scratching my head wondering why I can't write anything. It hasn't been for a lack of ideas either, just a lack of ambition to say anything. When I haven't been looking after kids, I have been wasting most of my days playing Fallout3. When I have had a small chance to write anything, I just haven't been able to push myself to put it down. So I am just going to start writing and see where it leads.

First the important stuff. Fallout3 has really impressed me. A first person RPG, that allows for a very detailed creation of your avatar/character. The designers did a very good job of making an enjoyable post apocalyptic Washinton DC setting that flows very smoothly and feels almost real. I find the game follows the form very similar to that of the Never Winter Nights series, in that you have a direction of good or evil that you can choose to follow throughout your adventure. The world is absolutely massive for a single player game and a person could spend a significant amount of time completing the varied missions available to them. As far as downfalls to the game, I have only few complaints. The item creation and item repair system is a little convoluted. There are recipes that can be found or bought in the game to make items, however the effort to make vs reward from item is just not there. As well, the repair skill is a little useless since you require a near identical object to be consumed in order to repair an item. However if you find an NPC to repair your items, it simply requires caps (money), but even then the repair is always only partial. So this means if you make a unique item, you would have to make another unique item to repair it, or just be satisfied with the max 60% repair that an NPC can achieve. Finally, you can also gain followers in your missions, but generally the AI for them is useless, and you spend most of your time trying to keep them from dying. Overall though I would recommend this game to anyone who enjoys the RPG genre.

On to other things. Happy New Year to everyone. 2008 was one for the record books as far as suckage is concerned (in my humble opinion). I am actually having some difficulty coming to terms with the fact that it is already 2009. I suppose I will begin accepting it once September rolls around, only to be equally shocked next January. Maybe even more shocked, considering it will be 2010 and I will be wondering where the fuck my cyber implants are and why we don't have electric cars or affordable clean energy yet. I guess I can summarize by saying that the first decade of the second millennium, up to this point, has been a complete disappointment. Is it just me, or did all the really cool shit happen in the 90's and now we are just kinda getting more of the same in fancier packaging. Big plan for this year: get out of hospital, get out of Calgary.

Calgary continues to impress me with its ability to under impress. It is a city of people who have migrated here in the pursuit of greed. It is a place where nothing gets done unless it is overpriced and then it only gets half ass done. The majority of the people spend 90% of their time driving, but only 10% of those people actually drive in a fashion that isn't completely hazardous to everyone else on the road. The vision of the city seems to be more roads, but no maintenance. This is probably for the best, considering those roads are only to support a sprawl of houses that will empty in 10 years anyway. Besides, if you don't repair or clean the roads, that means people will buy more 4x4's which means more oil consumption, which means more money... I hate this city. It reminds me of a gigantic Lloydminster.

Well that is about it for tonight. I hope to write something more interesting tomorrow. That basically means I will probably write something in another two weeks.