Well things here have been up and down over the last month. My time has been split between keeping my sanity and hanging out in the hospital. Eoin has been on quite the roller coaster, and I generally find that my mood coincides with his condition. He hasn't had a fever in a few days and there was an actual AGC yesterday (something we haven't seen in months). His results from the BMAs and LPs have been very confusing, so it has been very difficult in predicting where things are currently heading. As such neither Angela or I have been apt to post much on his Carepages site, these last couple of weeks. Right now it appears the intrathecal chemo is clearing the CSF but his marrow is still hypocellular after 6 weeks. This means we assume the leukemia is still in the marrow but we don't treat. Hopefully he will still be clear next week, and we can proceed with the transplant.
In non hospital news, my good friends James and Anita drove out to Calgary for a visit. It was really great to see them, especially since they had been away for about 2 years. James brought along his new computer, in pieces, and I helped him put it together. Unfortunately I don't think he anticipated how much Microsoft charges for their operating systems. So instead of forking out 300$ for Vista, we downloaded and installed the Windows7 beta OS. I hope it runs smoothly for him and maybe that will be the better OS to purchase in the long run anyway. The computer, though not top of the line, was overall a pretty sweet system. It should do him well for the next 3 years. Other than that, we visited most of the local pubs around town, played some NTN and spent hours catching up.
In the catching up, it became apparent that I have somehow fallen into a very strange world. This last year has gone by so unbelievably fast. When I stop and look back to before Eoin was sick, I get quite concerned about the near future. I guess the truth is, that in the next few months, Eoin's treatment will come to an end. Once that happens, I am not sure where my family will end up. We have spent so much time bouncing around, worrying about the immediate stuff. We sold our house, we are now both unemployed and we are living out of a hospital and an RMH. The real crazy part is that our future completely depends on Eoin's outcome. If he gets back to remission, we will still be closely tied to a hospital for the next 5 years. Constantly anticipating side effects of the treatment or a relapse of the cancer. Otherwise, as callous as it sounds, we are free to pick up the pieces of our lives and try to find a new niche for ourselves.
I love my son and would do anything for him. I would do anything to cure him and I would take his place in an instant. I just hate all the uncertainty that goes with a possible cure. After almost a year of living in a hospital, most days I just want to get back to a somewhat normal life. The scary part is, I really don't know how we are going to integrate ourselves back into society.
